Do your mornings begin with making mental lists of all the things that are likely to happen in your day, in chronological order…then proceed to plan and prepare?
Have you ever been invited to a party, or have an upcoming meeting, or are simply visiting friends and family…and you visualise exactly what you’re going to wear, where you’re going to sit, who you’re going to talk to, what they will say in response?
Is there, at most times, a movie playing in your mind, set somewhere in the near future?
I think this is true for most of us! We are all a brilliant hybrid of fiction writers and astrologers…the only tragedy being, we are storytellers with an audience of just one…ourselves.
Everytime we get the slightest clue about an event that may or may not occur…we predict how it’s going to go, then try to maneuver it in our minds to suit the outcome we want.
We’ve been indulging in this fictional visual imagery forever, without even realising it.
But very often the situation, in reality, turns out to be quite different from what we wanted, leading to disappointment.
Anger and resentment are often born in that gap between what we imagined and what really happened…resulting in us mourning a future we perceived.
Why then do we do this, I wonder?
The reasons could be many.
It could be residual genetic programming from prehistoric times, when this art of foresight was once a necessary tool designed for our survival……in order for us to anticipate and prevent danger, and not become lunch for a lion.
Or maybe, as we progress into adulthood we feel responsible for so many other people in our lives, that we spiral under the emotional burden, into a frenzy of anxiety and try to apply brakes of precise decision making to the mental roller coaster.
Or maybe, it preserves our flawed self worth. So much happens in our lives and surroundings without our consent, it’s overwhelming.
So in order to experience some semblance of control, we convince ourselves that insignificant things are important, and this pretence feeds our addiction to an inflated sense of self.
But whatever the reason, does it often do us more harm than good?
Do our predictions often turn into predicaments?
The more I think about it, I realise that all the enormous life-altering events that have occurred in my life to date, actually happened without much involvement or interference from me.
Predeatined, as they say!
At the very offset, can you imagine all the things that could go wrong between our very conception and birth…
the dramatic race of a sperm against million others;
it’s meeting with a unicellular egg by chance, at a favourable time and date;
multiple cells and organs sprouting out as the result of this union, each one an extremely intricate and complex machine that instinctively knows the exact nature of its job;
finally, one fully functional life form coming out of another, almost like an alien, in a terrifying blood bath…
and despite the extreme trauma endured, the parent actually falling unconditionally in love with this parasite.
I cannot think of a more terrifying tale to tell… And yet here we all are…Against all odds!
If this miraculous process of my birth took place without any conscious contribution from my thinking faculties and problem solving abilities…I wonder how, somewhere along the way, I became arrogant enough to believe that other trivial, insignificant situations will only occur because of my anxiety ridden and meticulous planning?
When for all we know, our overthinking skills and analytical minds are probably not even required for the seamless execution of a complete life.
So going forward, for my peace of mind, I hope to remedy this belief.
I intend to try, as an experiment, to not visualise the future, at least in regards to unimportant events.
An upcoming conversation with someone…a long journey, an excruciating hour ahead in the gym, for example….
if I don’t have a pre-planned template or preferred narrative,
if I have fewer expectations and fewer ‘worst case’ scenarios,
if I stop imagining what someone would say or more importantly stop assuming what they think of me,
If I approach some situations with a blank slate…
with a ‘let’s just see how it goes’ attitude,
if I meet someone without any preconceived notions or imaginary emotional baggage,
can I prevent disappointments and effectively manage my response better?
The one life solution to everyday living, I have realised, is really very simple…
Wherever your body is…your mind MUST stay!
Going forward, I hope to try to live my life just once…
In reality!
Neither before, in my imagination…nor after, in my memory.
Let’s see, (rather than guess), how this is
going to go!
Sunset Effect - Nitya Satyani 