Grief isn’t always the sudden bursting of a water balloon.
It’s sometimes an invisible knife mercilessly stabbed into your heart,
that’s being twisted over and over,
with an intensity only you feel, but cannot reveal.
It leaves just a tiny pin prick in your heart
that allows leaden emotions
to vaporise and leak out
Every. single. day.
Drop by drop. For years to come.
Grief isn’t a designated number of hours or days
that you sob on every available shoulder until you’re all cried out.
It’s laughing all day in an effort to be normal because, of course, life must carry on.
It’s also the sudden feeezing of a moment,
when you hear someone call out a name, that was once your world, but no one answers anymore when you say it out loud.
It’s the brief paralysis of your body, when you unexpectedly come across
a once shared movie, an ad, a phrase, a place,
a colour, a song, a scent, a dream…
Grief is the stepping up to superhuman proportions and getting every job done.
It’s also suddenly snapping when the smallest of things don’t go just right.
It’s that petty irrational anger, an uncontrollable hurt you feel
by someone’s stray comment,
even though you know they meant well.
Grief is finding silver linings and things to still be grateful for, despite your world being overturned.
It’s also the survivor’s guilt for being able to enjoy these little joys all on your own.
And a resentment for all that they no longer can.
It’s recognising the unfairness of the world, shamelessly carrying on like nothing earth-shattering even happened.
Grief is a weight that moves every organ inside your body, so it can seep in.
Then it settles into your bones soaked in tears,
until each one feels too soggy and damp
for the soul to live in.
But there’s simply nowhere for it
to break the cage open and escape to.
Grief is heavy. Grief is constant.
It claims a permanent place in your mind
and shows up uninvited, a little at a time.
Grief is your fate, which forever mutilates the story of your life,
into a before and an after.
And on this pendulum of feelings, a lifetime must be spent.
#griefpoetry #love #loss #longing #grief #family #healing #mother #father
Sunset Effect - Nitya Satyani 