I sit freshly alone
on my old armchair by that familiar door
where many moments of my life have been spent.
I can see glimpses of them all so clearly now
Busy, bustling, boisterous.
Sunshine smiles and laughter all around
So many reasons to say thank you
even on mundane everydays
Contentment taken for granted
Like a birthright that was never promised forever.
And today I sit on the same chair,
with my daydreams that weigh more than nightmares do.
Somewhere in the middle of my journey
with plenty taken away from me and plenty yet to come.
Longing to return
to a time that was simple
to a heart that was lighter
to shoulders less bent.
Sitting in the hope that someday it will learn to time travel
this trusty, rusty old chair of mine
and take me to the other side, where all my yesteryears
celebrate still being current together
and I’ll simply slip into my rightful place in that happy scene.
Like none of us ever left,
Like I don’t have lives to pack, in marked boxes…
Like the people I love still fill every corner instead of being pictures on the walls.
Just then, someone I love immensely from my today
comes bouncing in to ask ‘what are you doing?’
And I so badly want to pull them into a hug and my dream
and show them all the people I’ve loved
some of whom they never got to meet.
To show them that loud home I grew up in
which has now fallen silent.
But I just shake my head as if to reset.
Return to the present which is happy in itself.
Return to the many who crowd my today,
and love me so much in their own special way.
How can I even dare complain?
It’s time to vacate my chair for the day
Simpler to smile and say ‘nothing’
Because it’s just too hard to explain
that in this casual ‘nothing’ of today
once fit my whole wide world…
Sunset Effect - Nitya Satyani 