International Men’s Day. Unpopular opinion: (But somebody had to say it)

On International Men’s Day let’s take a moment to talk about the
Indian Man.
Let’s do it because he never does!
He never does because he’s never been told he can.

Here’s a man who was raised in a patriarchal society, sure. Immensely pampered within the walls of his home.
But in a society where generations of women were suppressed and restrained,
this only meant the men were also the ones who had the additional responsibility of the
‘great Indian joint family system’
placed firmly upon their shoulders.

Wrapped up in embellishments of
pride and honour.
And the powerful male ego.
“We know you’re there for us!”
“Whatever the crisis he will manage it”
“Whatever is needed he will provide it”

But nobody stopped to ask any man whether this is what he wants to spend his life doing.
Some may have been artists now trapped in an engineer’s body;
Some, race car drivers who were given doctor’s tools;
Or hair stylists were turned into investment bankers;
Or those who would much rather be
stay-at-home-dads were caged at desk jobs.

And all of them put their dreams on hold…
of travelling;
or simply watching a movie in the middle of the day;
or following their passion for theatre or debate;
only so they could wear boring shirts and live a colourless life,
reporting to work in somebody else’s office…
just to take a steady, dependable paycheck back home,
to meet the never ending needs of that
Great Indian Joint Family.
There simply wasn’t any choice!
If he didn’t, then who would?

We live in a time when we women,
despite the gigantic challenges placed in our way,
have finally (somewhat) broken through the shackles of our homes,
stepped proudly into the work force
and proven we can pull our own weight.
We always could!
But this triumph has sadly been viewed by society as more competition for the already burdened men.
When in fact we should all be doing our bit
from the same team.
The aim of feminism was always to contribute not compete.

But while women have united to make their voices heard;
our men have yet to do so.
They’ve yet to speak up.
They’ve yet to stop saying to themselves
“Chalta hai, I’ll manage, they’re all my own”
So they continue to put their heads down and work hard,
for their wife and children,
(how often have we heard women joke
“my income is mine, his income is ours”)
his sisters and brothers,
parents, grandparents,
uncles and aunts even
without a sound,
Because he was never taught to question.
Never been told he’s allowed to resent.
Because he is after all the man of the house!
And real men are doers, without expectation, without complaint.

So here’s a thought spared for the
Great Indian Man
You will never know until you ask,
whether it’s okay to live your life
(or at least some part of it) simply for yourself.
It’s okay to draw boundaries
To not carry the weight of your entire world on your shoulders alone.
To turn around and tell anyone in your life making unreasonable demands of you,
“Not tonight darling I have a headache”
And you’d be surprised to find when you do less,
everyone else will step up and do more!

Disclaimer: in solidarity with ONLY
the highly evolved,
progressive, respectful,
Indian feminist man
of whom I’m very fortunate to say
I know MANY!
The ones who are unfairly grouped with the chauvinists and the monsters and generations of men before him, just because they share their gender.
I see you! I’m grateful for you!!

#genderequality #internationalmensday #feminism #empowerment #unbiased #Indianmen #appreciatiopost