Someday history will reveal that the world’s greatest invasion was that of technology over human beings.It came…it saw…it conquered and our lives were never the same again!
Which would be fine if it were a one time win. Unfortunately, technology is constantly reinventing itself. And the human brain is struggling to keep up. Our smartphones are now officially smarter than us and apps are virtually running our lives. And yet the red icon with the star notifies us every now and then that it’s time for an upgrade.
Which makes me wonder whether parents of children who are born into the smartphone era also need to update ourselves, if we have any hopes of keeping up with the world that we are raising our children in.
I had the best parents in the world (and I know I’m not the only one to say so). When I was younger, I felt that if I could be half the parents they were, my kids would be lucky.
But today, I find myself complaining that my parents had it so much easier than my generation does. No internet stalking, cyber bullying, social networking to worry about. So it turns out, I cannot follow my parenting plan and simply emulate them and their rules to be a successful parent. The issues our children face today are exclusive and unprecedented. (Well, lucky us!!)
So in keeping with the updated ‘Parenting 2.0’ we need to write our own FAQs and I often find myself giving my children unconventional advice that I cannot imagine parents of the previous generation ever having to:
1) Google Everything: remember when the computer and the internet were a fairly new entrant into our homes. Traditionally parents would ask their children to stop ‘wasting’ so much time on it.
My advice to them instead is….spend more time on Google.
The world is a hotbed of temptation, fuelled by peer pressure. And in today’s age, everything is shared at lightning speed. Our children can find out what a teenager did in rural Australia without even leaving their room.
How do we regulate that? Well, we encourage it!
Today, you find pages of information on everything over the internet. There is absolutely no room for “let’s just see what happens”. Granted, Google does tend to make a cancer out of a molehill. But barring that, most of the information online tends to be fairly accurate.
Whether you’re curious about the side effects of a particular drug or unprotected sex; or what happens when you drive when you’re underage…..it’s all right there! Google is like the wise old village head who knows everything!
So there is no longer any excuse to make an uninformed decision and we need to teach our children to use this to their advantage.
Whenever they’re tempted to try something “cool” because their friends highly recommend it, and they instinctively know not to check with mom and dad first…(because everyone knows the monosyllabic answer to that one), I urge them to run it by Google first. Of course it’s not foolproof but having Google give you a heads up on what you’re about to do is a far superior alternative to: “I just dunked a Mentos in a bottle of Coke because my friend told me there would be an explosion and I wanted to see what happens!!”
2) See A Shrink: “Whatttttt?? Who says that to their children??? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my kids!!!!!!”
Well, of course there isn’t, and I hope there never will be. But news flash to all those parents who prefer prayers, witchcraft and animal sacrifice to consulting a medical professional as a means of treatment for any psychological disturbance…the human brain is an organ! And we don’t get to choose which one of our organs falls sick.
Just as we would visit an orthopedic specialist for a fracture, or a cardiologist for a heart ailment, there should be absolutely no shame in seeing a counsellor or a psychiatrist, should the need arise. Battling any kind of problem alone whether it is something as temporary yet demoralising as heartbreak, homesickness or bullying…or something more unfortunately permanent like anxiety or depression, is an extremely difficult and lonely process which often ends with the patient giving up on life altogether.
When Hollywood’s Happy Man Robin Williams’ suicide shocked the world, I remember reading:
‘Suicide didn’t kill Robin Williams….depression did!’
This isn’t something that cures itself by us going into denial. And neither does acknowledging we need professional help make us any less of a parent, in the same way that we cannot attempt to set a broken bone by ourselves!
3) Don’t hide your relationships:
Closets are for clothes….not skeletons, and certainly not for living humans. Sexual orientation, pre-marital sex, live-in relationships, substance abuse…..in previous generations these did not make for suitable dinnertime conversations. But that was B.C (before computers). Today if a child searches the internet for ‘costumes of the world’ for a school project, it is likely to suggest kinky pornographic costumes as well, among others.
So yes….there’s awareness….there’s exposure….there’s experimentation…and there’s also acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that maybe, just maybe…our children are different from us. And in event of that possibility, the millennial Parent 2.0 should be ready to calmly talk to them about anything without any judgement or shame. Talk to me! Without assuming everything is taboo. Give me the chance to understand what you’re feeling. I do not promise that I won’t completely overreact but I do promise to try. I am capable of understanding that love can be between any two people who are attracted to each other, without a gender boundary or a marriage certificate. As long as you’re treated with respect in any relationship that you choose to be in.
4) Look up to me…but not always :
This is such a far cry from the ‘my daddy strongest’ adulation that my generation grew up with, but I’ll explain why.
True Story: my neighbourhood grocery store once sent me a bill, along with my delivery. I soon realised that I had been erroneously undercharged, so I paid him the correct increased amount, much to my son’s surprise.
‘It’s rightfully his,’ I explained. ‘It’ wouldn’t be right to knowingly cheat someone.’
Ironically, the very next day my son returned from school, science test paper in hand beaming with 17 marks out of 20.
I was happy with his grades, of course….I always am…especially since he works hard for them. He then proceeded to tell me that his teacher had initially miscalculated and given him 18 and a half, but when he checked his marks, he realised her error in calculation and promptly informed her.
In that moment I experienced a regretful flash of my darker side. I wished he hadn’t told his teacher about the extra marks. I felt my competitive streak, which is usually dormant, sitting on my shoulder wearing devils horns.
‘Why did you tell her??’ I almost admonished, until I recalled the grocery bill incident from the previous day. It then took only a moment for my guilt, shame and pride in my upbringing to swoop in and squash that little devil on my shoulder. I hugged my son tight and told him how proud I was of him.
Lesson learnt: each day my children teach me something new. As a parent of today, I am aware of my shortcomings. I see my flaws and know that my children see them too. My children know I’m human so every now and then I make sure to tell them,
“I do hope you grow up to be just like me…except when you can be better!”
Sunset Effect - Nitya Satyani 