Wired To The Wireless: Confessions Of A Distracted Mother

My daughter was a year and a half, when she would summon me to accompany her to the restroom, whenever she needed to go.

It was also around the same time when the all new chat groups on Blackberry messenger or BBM were consuming my attention. Communicating with multiple people all at once sure trumped the vintage telephonic conversations and even overshadowed the practical one rupee per SMS. Being free of cost, lent users of BBM, the ability to talk endless amounts of nonsense taking the entertainment value of these chats through the charts.

So consumed was I by my typing, one day, that though I had mechanically followed my toddler to the restroom when called, I hadn’t really heard her repeated cries of “mama pot seat please.” Two minutes later, I found my independent, resilient survivor using all her might to pull open the cupboard that housed her pot seat, positioning it perfectly on the Wc and then using the little foot stool in the bathroom to climb onto it and finish her business, all in the time it had taken me to type.

Well, on the bright side, technology assisted my child to become more independent and efficient. But in reality, it had just made me a good-for-nothing distracted mother.

Much has been said and written about our children and their addiction to technology. Not enough has been said about its deathly grip on us adults.

Of course, we grew up in times when the telephone was a box that weighed a ton. When letter writing was not a lost art form. When telegrams meant urgent but arrived only after two days. Instant was unheard of! This ability to communicate with multiple people simultaneously was sheer luxury. Being spoilt for choice between cable in HD, Netflix, Amazon Prime and Apple TV wa simply too good to be true for a generation that grew up with the wide variety of Doordarshan or sheer white noise. So we’ve earned this addiction to technology. Our children have not!

Sadly, they do not know that. They simply follow our lead. And the example we are setting is dismal. How can I put restrictions on my child’s screen time when I start and end my day on Twitter? How can I give him a talk on minding his own business when I’m forever slumped over the lives of others on Facebook? That they willingly share it and invite my comments is a different thing altogether.

The point is, i have the choice to refuse. To cut off the wires to my wireless technology. To go into internet rehab. But I cannot bring myself to.

Though I would be lying if I said that the incident with the potty seat didn’t leave me second guessing my life’s choices. Was a stay at home mother allowed to go online shopping/chatting/gaming/social networking during working hours? Just because our bosses were easy to manipulate with a “because I’m the mother and I said so” is this gross negligence to our efficiency really ok?

On the other hand, being a stay at home parent is mentally and emotionally exhausting based on the sheer volume of the job, the never ending working hours and the irrational bosses (“I want to wear my warm puffer jacket in the blazing summer and different shoes at the same time” followed by a loud wail.) So is a little diversion and communication with the adult world not ok?

Well, never underestimate the power of a mother’s guilt! Predictably, the argument in favour of less technology and more dedication to my gruelling working hours won. To find middle ground, I decided to employ the same rules that I would impose on my kids.

Still, no surprises there. It did not last for even half a day!

If I wanted to order gas for cooking, contact my carpenter or talk to the scores of customer service operators for the ever failing appliances around the house, I needed my phone.

If I wanted to plan a vacation, figure out the upcoming events at school or email people, I needed my phone.

When my children broke their water bottles and colour pencils, or outgrew their clothes yet again at the alarming speed that they do, I needed my phone. (I’ve long since given up battling traffic and prefer to shop online)

If I needed to pay for something, I needed my phone.

So we adults need our phones!! Period.

But then we lose the leverage over our children.

So my conclusion would be to give in and accept that this is the present. And the future. Just like our generation did not need to march with black flags of protest against the British Rule, we cannot expect our children to undo the fact that they have been born into an era of technology.

Of course rules do apply to them. Very strict ones in fact. And the prerequisite is that I must know all their friends, passwords and have unlimited access to their screens. But until I am unwilling to lead by stellar example, I cannot unreasonably rant about this generation’s addiction to technology and the good old days of the 1980’s when we were growing up without it. Because my children might just bring up the good old days of 2010, when their mother still gave potty time her undivided attention!