A visit to my mother’s house one day, revealed the apple of my eye, my two year old nephew armed with a bright blue marker merrily scribbling all over what looked like a rusted, old medal. On closer inspection I realized that the ‘gold medal’ now in his (freakishly strong) possession once belonged to me.
In a grand prize distribution ceremony, the principal of my school had awarded it to me for ‘academic excellence’ amidst loud cheers from my parents and several others. Now rummaging through the remaining contents of the bag that my nephew had unearthed from a long forgotten corner of my mother’s house, I realized that that medal was one among many others. This was what all my years of extreme hard work and umpteen sacrifices had boiled down to. Decades of ‘nerdiness’ fit, zipped and forgotten in one small…. (ok, medium sized) bag! And today, that very same gold medal with its yellow ribbon now striped in blue was being awarded to my mother’s cook. Apparently lighting a gas to master an omelette deserved the same fan fare as burning the midnight oil.
But the strange part was that it did not upset me at all. In fact it amused me greatly. That rusted medal, was just an object, a piece of metal, one that I quite strangely had no attachment to. What my school had really gifted me was the memory, the emotion and the self-confidence that went along with it. The reward for my dedication to ‘academic excellence’. Back in school, my parents, teachers, friends and probably even I, had presumed that I would pursue a higher education and a career in a science of my choice. I certainly had the grades for it. But I didn’t! I chose instead (and I want to emphatically stress on the word CHOSE here, with extreme joy and pride) to study child development, to teach, and now to be a stay at home mom who is also sometimes a writer on the side.
And today, (thanks to Facebook), as I establish contact once again with long lost school friends, I realize that in the years that we lost touch, each one of us had pursued a dream, and in almost all cases, they were shockingly different from the ones that anyone would have predicted in school. Painfully shy introverts were now confident TV personalities….financial bankers took a short sabbatical from work, never to go back and had turned designers, interior decorators and restaurant owner….lawyers had reinvented themselves as photographers….and what many would find ironic, the students with, what was then considered average grades, had worked their way up the corporate ladder and were now CEOs at multinationals.
So today as a mother, every time I find myself fretting over a test paper gone wrong; or my child not wanting to pursue an additional extracurricular that I’m positive she would be great at; or them not being able to hold their own against the school bullies; or their potential not being spotted by their teachers at school….I stop and remind myself that these days are in no way an indication of the days to come.These are the days for them to spend time gaining knowledge….not grades….and doing things they like. And I should be the one to steer them towards what they are good at. In fact, if I may rephrase that even more accurately….I should steer them towards what they really enjoy, whether they are good at it or not. Because in all probability, when they have spent their youth completing their education, fulfilled all of society’s commitments and excelled in a (hopefully) successful career, there is a very good chance that these are the things that they will return to, the ones that will nourish their soul….painting, dancing, yoga, trekking, a sport, Lego, sticking or even if it’s simply their love for good food.
Similarly, when they are successful at something I remind myself to not get carried away, that maybe it’s too soon for them to commit to anything for life. For now the experience and what it does to their confidence is far greater than the real victory itself. Because at the end of the day, the trophies become dusty and forgotten, but the memory lasts forever! These are the times for them to search, explore, experiment, learn and grow. If academics is what they’re good at, so be it…if not, then I have to remind myself there has to be no pressure. I can honestly say that today despite having a bag full of medals, I am more aware of all the things that I have not yet experienced than what I achieved years ago. Yes they do define who I am to a certain extent, but the journey is what remains in my memories not the victory itself. So giving my children as many experiences and adventures should be my parental plan. Childhood should really not be prescriptive. Nor can it be a repetition of the parents’ childhood. It should simply be a fearless, happy childhood. A time for new experiences and for redefining limits.
(This post can also be found on Mycity4kids.com on my page The Occupational Mother)
Sunset Effect - Nitya Satyani 
