Dear School Bully,
Wimp, nerd, loser, shorty, fatty, failure, gay…
I’ve watched you tease many children, including mine, by calling them either one of these names and I’ve watched their cheeks flood with embarrassment, their hearts break, and their faces fall as the other children laugh at them.
What you’re doing is nothing new. Generations of children have been subjected to nicknames like this. Nicknames that prey directly on the child’s weakness, names that shake their confidence and make them feel isolated and sometimes compelled to retreat into a shell, robbing them of the simple joys of growing up.
What you do and the way you talk is entertaining….for you. Or maybe it’s your way of building your own self confidence, drawing attention to yourself or compensating for an insecurity by putting another down. Or maybe it’s simply that your parents forgot to teach you how to empathize and the laws of karma. I had hoped that our educated generation would remember to impart the value of sensitivity to their children, but I suppose it isn’t on many parents’ to-do list yet.
It wouldn’t be difficult for me to come over and have a ‘talk’ with you, seeing that I’m decades older, taller and stronger than you are. But what would that really solve? I can’t always be around to protect my children from the many, many versions of you that they will encounter through their lives. As they grow older they will disguise themselves in political correctness. They may not comment on or make fun of their physical shortcomings to their face the way you do….but will snicker, snigger and gossip behind their back.
So I suppose I should thank you for the training.
Thanks to you their bubble of belief in the goodness of the human race has now burst. You’re their first experience in meanness, politics, groupism, discrimination but certainly not the last.
I’ve watched the children at the receiving end of your jibes laugh helplessly at themselves because there isn’t much they can do. The meeker ones look up to you because they think you’re “cool” and the rest have been trained by their parents to not take sides in a fight.
So that leaves the victim of your verbal assault to fend for themselves.
I’m extremely fortunate to be one of those mothers whose children confide in her. And in order to empower them to deal with your situation, as their parent I made several recommendations:
*I offered to write in a complaint to the authorities…the teacher or principal in school or have a word with your mother (but my children didn’t want to get YOU in trouble. They’re kind people like that)
*I recommended they stay away from you (but that would mean them cutting off from the entire group of friends)
*I recommended they accept their own physical shortcoming and not take what you say to heart (but that’s easier said than done)
*I suggested they call you all sorts of names in return (you would be surprised at the fun I had coming up with those)
* I encouraged them to take it lightly and make jokes out of it (but they aren’t always easy to think of when you’re hurting)
*I told them to ignore you and give you time until you got bored of them and moved on to someone else (hate myself for asking them to be such cowards)
*Finally they suggested that they would manage the situation themselves.
And they did….Just in a different way that I had imagined. They were nice to you, they called you over to play, found common ground and shared interests… until finally you warmed upto them, confided in them about things that bothered you and they were included into your group of ‘cool kids’.
My children have again taught me a thing or two about human relations, that there are other ways of tackling situations.
Recently I’ve been hearing of various terms for parenting such as helicopter parenting or tiger parenting….I don’t know which category I fall under….probably my own brand of caterpillar parenting where all I really want to do is wrap my children in a cocoon and shelter them from the world when it’s mean. Fortunately for them….I cannot do that! Because facing the world in all its glory, coming up with imaginative solutions to tackle difficult situations, redefining the limits and rules of social conduct, is also, after all, a requisite for growing up.
Eventually my role is limited to nurturance Thank you for showing me that.
Regards,
A. Mother
(This post can also be found on Mycity4kids.com on my page The Occupational Mother)
Sunset Effect - Nitya Satyani 