Is it just me or does the growing awareness and accessibility of technology these days scare all parents? My son is not even 10 and I’m already dreading the day he uses the F word…Facebook that is! And our parents thought they had trouble. The other day I was babysitting my thirteen year old niece while her mother was out. She sat next to me…. so well behaved playing her video game, harmless enough, I thought to myself as I watched the rerun of ‘FRIENDS’ for the millionth time. Once, they grow up, children are so easy to manage. No running around required. This was actually nice, just her and me. Until I realised that it wasn’t just us!! My little niece was actually in conversation (via messages) with some stranger, whose only identity was ‘La.Z’…..who happened to possess the same game and was playing it at that very moment! How is that even possible and frankly why is that necessary?
‘But I can only talk to them if they are within a certain radius’, she innocently explained as though that made things better.
What ever happened to dolls and let’s dress up like mums? That’s what we were playing until we were thirteen. Mobile phones didn’t exist and knowing how to operate the computer wasn’t yet a growth milestone that was naturally reached after walking and talking. And our cause for concern is not unjustified. The internet leaves nothing to the imagination, social networking sites have crossed all borders. Add to this picture and video sharing and you have young children, already pumped up on testosterone in far greater trouble than was earlier possible. Unfortunately many teenagers have discovered this the hard way- when their sex videos have gone viral, or when they met dangerous strangers who posed as friends on such sites.
And why do teenagers need social networking sites anyway? Are the hundred odd children they meet in school not enough?
But that’s the problem with technology- it tempts you to become a part of a virtual world that’s surreal and gives you a false sense of popularity that is hard for a teenager to resist.So my decision was made. My children will not have a phone or an iPad until they’re 16. We didn’t have computers at home until then and hadn’t heard of mobiles until we were in our 20’s and we grew up just fine!!
Except…..When we say we grew up fine, that is the equivalent of our ancestors saying we cooked our rotis on the chula or rode a bullock cart around the village and ‘we grew up just fine’. True….but they didn’t get very far did they?! So in effect we parents today are being a tad bit hypocritical when we emphatically propagate the old school way of life.
Because we have embraced modern day technology to our convenience. Today we have come a long, long way from the choola. A long way even, from when my grandmother had to book a call to her daughter in New York via an operator and wait patiently by the big black box, we called a phone, while I can instantly Whatsapp, email or bbm my cousin in my sleep.Visionaries like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg did not consult us before shrinking our virtual world and our knee jerk reaction to it was….great for us, bad for our kids.
“It’s appalling how toddlers today know how to operate iPads”….”Attention span has decreased and kids want to compulsively multitask these days””they have no childhood. They play indoors all day. “(Well I’m not going to argue with that one. There’s still nothing better than sweaty, tired children with flushed red cheeks coming home filthy from an hour or two outdoors.)
But still….the point is, our children weren’t consulted either. They were simply born into a world of gadgets the way we were born into a world of vehicles. Whether technology has given rise to pedophiles or simply reporting it to us faster is the case of the chicken and the egg. But it has also given us means of keeping track of our children, spreading awareness, and messages to help locate the missing ones. Cctv, RDIF- tools of a phobic parent or sensible caution in today’s sick world, I don’t know….. but at least they’re available. And I’ll be the first to admit. A textbook full of words such as epiphytes, stalagmites, gulfs and lagoons does make a lot more sense when we can magically whip up their images with the swipe of a finger or two. And the YouTube video on insectivores really captured our attention as surely as that poor unsuspecting fly.The fact of the matter is, technology is here to stay and is getting stronger each day.
As Mr. Modi said, I-ways are as important as highways. And the possibilities and opportunities available because of technology boggle the mind. I simply cannot hide under a rock anymore and pretend this tsunami will pass my family by. And heaven forbid you don’t expose your child enough it’s cause for rebel and revolt greater than the freedom movement and a disservice to their present and their future. So I have to embrace the best that technology has to offer and set rules about how much else should be allowed.
Here’s what I plan to do (although I know as I write it, gen-next will soon find a way to outsmart me….probably via an app called FOOLMOM)
*If you can’t lick them join them- I’ll think like a teenager and get my own account of whatever they’re on, spend some time on the internet, and if I’m still clueless I’ll hire a teenager to teach me what’s trending.
*If the situation gets more extreme, I’ll hire a hacker- from time to time hack into my child’s account and see who his friends are. I know, I know it’s unethical but hey, I’ve forgiven my mum for opening my Russian pen pal’s mail. My kids too will eventually get over it.
*Moving to vital step 3 – keep them occupied- sports, drama, art, dance, even cooking or stamp collecting. I’ll encourage anything else that interests my children, nurture their talent, engage them in sports. The more time the real world occupies them, the fewer waking hours will be spent in the virtual one.
*Know their friends- that’s a must for every parent of every generation.*Watch out for cyber-bullying
*Be their friend- spend time chatting without getting scandalized, judging or preaching, do fun things together, let them have a little laugh at my expense. The less they hide from me, the more insight I’ll have in their lives.(I learnt this one from my mum and it really works).
*Accept peer pressure – we succumb to it as adults so how can we expect impressionable teenagers to not. Of course I tell my children that they can’t have everything their friends have and it’s not right of them to ask. But I also understand the pressure they face, so I pick my battles and give in from time to time. So another new skateboard…eventually yes!Our second hand spare mobile…..maybe soon! The Apple watch (“please mama but all my friends have it “)….definitely No!
*Establish the rules – no befriending strangers
*Limited selfie taking
*Avoid posting solo pictures. Post the ones in groups if you must
*Permissible times in the day for gadgets
*Educate them on device etiquette…phones on silent when in a class, movie, prayer, etc.no phones when in the company of others. People deserve to be respected with your attention
*Finally and most vital is to trust my child and my upbringing – sometimes our suspicions are actually worse than what the poor child is upto. So I will treat them like adults and let them make their decisions.
With these thoughts I’m feeling much calmer and definitely more composed. Also because I’ve confiscated my niece’s video game after a ten minute lecture on the different kinds of psychotics out there (during which time she chewed gum and giggled noisily). Anyway, we’re now definitely watching FRIENDS together just her and me. I’m finally starting to relax when she chooses to break the silence with, “which of the three guys in FRIENDS do you think is the best kisser….?” I just felt my blood pressure shoot up again!! Somebody please invent a pause button for my kids now!!! Give me the running around and jumping on sofas any day!!
(This post can also be found on Mycity4kids.com on my page The Occupational Mother)
Sunset Effect - Nitya Satyani 